The Waiting Game

Friday morning I headed back to the doctor’s office for my monthly follow up. When my doctor came in, she asked me how I was doing. I never know how to answer that… there are days that I am enjoying what has happened event wise, but there is always the cloud of my health hanging nearby. Most often I go with “Oh, I’m alright. How are you?”.

We spent a decent amount of time talking about how things have gone over the last month and compared it to previous months. As I spoke she asked me clarifying questions but also took the time to listen. I cannot tell you how much it means to have a doctor who actually listens. I have had experiences with other doctors that were the opposite.

Anyways, while going over how things have continued to get worse this past month she made the comment that this could be something bigger than a psychological issue.

This was a bitter sweet comment. My gut has been saying that something isn’t right, but she validated that feeling. This could be a physical problem that cannot be solved with lifestyle or medication.

My doctor then added me to the list to see a neurologist and for a CT scan of my brain. She told me that we will do what we can to figure out what is going on. I’m telling you, it’s so nice to have to a doctor who leads with care.

In some ways I felt a sense of relief. I am moving into the next stage of this journey to figure out answers. Once I get answers then I can work on making things better. I can work towards growing in my life. This is just a setback.

However, I mentioned a list… this list is months long. I don’t know how long I will be left waiting. My doctor estimated 2 to 3 months. She also gave me some things to do in the meantime which could help my visit with the neurologist by giving him as much data as possible: get my blood test done, see my optometrist, continue to track everything.

So now I wait. I am glad that I have a million things to do and am able to keep myself busy. I’ve talked to my boss about it already and I am so fortunate to have their support while I figure this out. It’s humbling to have to sit down with people who I look up to in my career and tell them that I am not ok but that I am doing what I can to figure it out. I would rather be having conversations about how to reach the next level. Like I said, this is only a setback. I know that I can still work towards that next level but it will likely take a little more time than before.

I know that self-care is going to continue to be really important in this journey. Making time for meditation, eating all the healthy things, getting enough sleep, getting acupuncture, seeing my psychologist…

I must say that prior to this I rarely used my health benefits. It’s only the beginning of March and I’ve already exceeded some of my coverage. I don’t know how I would be able to afford this without them. I guess people just figure it out or don’t get the help that they need without it. I am thankful that I live in Canada where things are much more affordable than in other countries.

I don’t know if I will have another update any time soon. I will likely make an effort to post other things; things that bring me joy. I’ve been working on a cherry limeade smoothie recipe this week. Once I’ve got it perfected I’ll have to share.

xo. K.

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