Reflecting on this past year I must admit that I am looking forward to it being over. Even though I know that I accomplished a lot, I am ready to put it behind me and get on with a fresh start in 2018.
My accomplishments for this year feel like they were pushed upon me more than dreamt up. Circumstances, for the most part, did have relatively positive outcomes but I didn’t feel like I was ready for them or that I could completely embrace them as they were happening.
My apartment, for example, is something that I am very happy to be in but I had to find a place to live within a very short amount of time. Luckily I found something that I loved in less than two weeks. I still haven’t completely settled in. I have been here for 6 months and still have plenty of things to sort out (literally spent hours on IKEA and Wayfair’s websites even just today trying to find things that I want for my space).
Between having my role at my day job has changed a few times, chipping away on my second degree, buying my first place… I am exhausted. I am of course aware that these are all good things but they weren’t things that I sought out. I didn’t dream them up for myself in this year. They were changes based on necessities. They were steps that I took to ensure that I have some level of security compared to the alternative but there was nothing exhilarating or even sentimentally fulfilling about it. I am now left asking myself so many questions about what I want for 2018. Where I want to travel? How do I plan on challenging myself? Who do I want to have with me on this journey? What do I want to accomplish? What are habits or comfort zones that I want to step out of?
One thing that I did do this year is to challenge myself by trying to dabble in the dating world. Nothing stuck but I am proud of myself for trying. I don’t know if it will be much of a priority for me next year either. I continue to be content in my solo ways and aren’t sure that I want to try to fix something that doesn’t feel broken. I am sure that within the next couple of years there very well may be a shift in how I feel about my relationship status but I am not there yet.
Life continues to be a learn as I go type of adventure and I have long given up trying to feel like I have everything figured out. It would probably be pretty boring to feel like there is nothing left to learn. We can and should all continue to grow in one way or anything. I believe that we have the ability to decide what to focus our attention on and where to invest our energy. I let myself down a bit with where I chose to invest my energy this past year and I am using the opportunity that a new year brings to recognize that and to make adjustments to hopefully make 2018 better than 2017. I look forward to the future and I hope that you all have a chance to reflect on what you want for yourself going forward.
My goal is to thrive in 2018, not just survive.